lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
i just sent this text using only my big toe
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
