I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
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