i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Randomize
