why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Randomize
