i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
