You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
Randomize
