I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
