oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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