you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Randomize
