So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
