Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
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