i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
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