Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
