If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
Randomize
