I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
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