so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
Randomize
