Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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