I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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