IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
You did what with his pubic hair?
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
