I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
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