i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
