Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
So much rum. So many feels.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
