The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
