Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
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