census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Randomize
