I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
