If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
FUCK WHALES
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
