you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
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