i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
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