So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
Just took my morning after pill in the library
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
