pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
