if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
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