what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
