I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
