with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
