I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
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