Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize
