She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
