So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
