Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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