he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.�
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
Drake has all the answers
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
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