omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
We named our party play list daddy issues
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
