the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
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