he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
i wish my penis had a tongue
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
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