I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
