I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
So much Jack, so little girl.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
