We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
Randomize
