I think i sorta joined a cult last night
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
Randomize
