bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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