So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
