you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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