Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
