I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
